Tuesday, March 04, 2008


So far this year has been REALLY for SOOOO many people. Death lingers like a stagnant black cloud over so many people and their families in my circle. Sadly, we are joining that crowd of people.


My oldest boy cat, Pan looked a bit funny yesterday afternoon. He's 14 1/2 and has a bit of arthritis, and has been creaking along the past 6 months or so. nothing but but you could definately tell he was an oldman cat. He came downstairs and while walking towards me had a bowel movement...and he kept walking.


I thought his dementia was really starting to get bad, so I cursed and cleaned it up. A bit later, he went to to the litter box, getting in all the way but his butt hanging out and peed all over the floor. So I cursed again and grabbed a roll of paper towels to clean it up. It was clear, like water and a giant lake of it. I thought-thats weird....but thought no more of it.

By 9pm he was clearly a mess, his fur was super dirty, he looked skinnier and had really bad breath and was drinking water like no tomorrow. Rob took him upstairs and brushed him to make him feel and look better. By midnite he had clearly deteriorated from what how he was at Noon so we decided he needed to go to the Vet ASAP.

So now we wait for the inevitable. He will be there for 2-3 days because he is dehydrated and it will be a fortune in tests. It could be diabetes, could be cancer, could be kidney failure (which was my guess yesterday). They won't know until the tests are done. The Vet is thinking it could be diabetes but probably cancer because of the size of his kidneys and his slow decline over the year with this sudden crashing.
Nothing we could have done different over the past year. He wasn't declining, he wasn't acting different, he wasn't in pain, still annoying everyone for food and still wanting love. He just got 'older', we assumed it was just old age setting in. Nephie is older than him but acts like a young cat. NO ONE would guess she's 16, but people know Pan was older.....

So, while I had come to terms last night that it could be the last time we spent together, I wasn't prepared to have to wait and make the decision for a few days. I figured they would just say 'sorry-it came on hard and fast, and theres no way to stop it'. But since theres a chance (slim) it could be diabetes, we have to wait and prolong the agony. We will more than likely have to make the decision to have him put to sleep this week, and gutwrenching.

Rob and I are both devasted, even though I've been saying (and preparing myself) for a few months now that I thought he would be the next to go because he was clearly being an oldman cat, I really didn't think it would be for another year or so. I have been crying for so many hours, that I can't believe I have enough fluid left in ME too keep the tears flowing.

Having to make the decision to put him to sleep now or after the tests was not an easy one. Asking us to make a decision if we wanted to do the tests or just put him to sleep it this morning was impossible. Yes, spending $2000 to find out we will have to put him under anyway, is hard to swallow-but I could not make that decision if there was a chance it WAS diabetes and treatable. Its not about the money, its about quality of life. Could he be ok with daily shots, diet and whatever else he needed? Would he have another year or 2 off happy/healthy life?? Or is it just his time to pass and we need to let him go? I keep hope that its something treatable but I know the odds are in the favor of the Elysian Fields....

4 comments:

Jean said...

Dear Barbe

my heat goes out to you all xoxox
jean

Debra Kay said...

Sorry to visit on such a sad day. When in doubt, ask Pan. I kept a much beloved dog alive for a week or so longer than she wanted to be. I finally took her in and instead of being angry at me for making her linger, she was just so grateful for the release. Animals have a much better sense of when it's time to go than people do.

My heart goes out to you and your family.

Saints and Sinners said...

Thanks Jean, I've been meaning to email you back for 2 weeks now..overwhelmed with crap..ugh.....

Saints and Sinners said...

oh Debra, thank you for your kind words. We did have to put him to sleep tonight...We could have tried to have chemo and dialysis but at his age it would not have been pleasant for him. We spent about 2 hours with him tonight just holding him and talking to him. It was time, he was 1/2 there and 1/2 not....I wish I could wave a wand and make it better for everyone in this situation.