While laying in my sick bed today, I caught the "Why don't you love me?" video on NewNowNext Poplab. I'm not a huge fan of pop or Beyonce but this video really got my attention. First, the 50's/early 60's pin up styling of it is something I adore (fantastic make up and lingerie!) and second because the lyrics hit home with me right now - "why don't you love me when I make me so damn easy to love?"
I'll admit, I laughed when I watched this because its been on my mind so heavily over the past few months, with a couple of people in my life. I love them with all my heart and soul yet get little in return. They give a little and say they care but then pull back. I wonder, what is it about me that these people don't care to care about me in return? I talk to my gals and they all seem to have at least one relationship in their lives with someone they can't quite connect with, even though they want. They keep trying and keep getting shot down, usually in very passive aggressive ways...
The past couple of days I've been really introspective about this subject. I suppose I'm ruminating about it for many reasons. Partly due to being single and living alone soon, partly because of the holidays and probably a lot about the whole "healing" process. Couple all that with me being the kind of woman with the kind of IQ that compells her to analyze and figure how HOW and WHY things are they way they are. Luckily, the universe has been leaving little signs for me here and there this week. Yesterday I got an email that said:
When you understand why something hurts, Barbe, it stops hurting.
When you understand you have options, you take action.
And when you understand you have wings, you can soar again.
I'm trying to understand, it hasn't been easy though. Like most people, I think its something personal, something about ME as a person. It's hard to step outside yourself and look at the relationship with an unbiased eye. Luckily the universe heard my little heart struggling to understand and Today's daily inspiration email today brought this gem:
Quit trying to be seen by people who are not capable of seeing you. When you keep trying to be seen by people who are not at your vibration, you begin to diminish yourself in order to match their vision of you. Quit it! Have love and compassion for them and then CHOOSE to be with others who have the ability (and desire) to see you.
Thanks universe for the thump on the head, I get it. I see the milestone. I know where to put my focus and which direction to turn. It's not about "me" and all about "me" at the same time.
And Beyonce sums it up beautifully:
"No, no, there's nothing not to love about me
There's nothing not to need about me
No, no, there's nothing not to need about me
Maybe you're just not the one
Or maybe you're just plain....... DUMB