Saturday, July 16, 2011

Coming out of the Void

I feel like I'm finally starting to make progress and come out of the Void.  So many things got turned upside down and inside out the last year but there was no visible movement forward. There was a lot of tearing down, clearing out and getting rid off' with no indication of growth. .  In particular,  the last two months have been a time of loss for me.  The family and friends I moved here to get to know better and build relationships with have all but disappeared from my life. It was like a light switch-people in your life one week, gone the next.  That personal connection loss has been hard on many levels to deal with especially seeing how people's actions contradict the words/promises that come out of their mouths   Why lie or tell half truths?   I can feel it starting to move, very slowly though.  I know now its all part of a long line of painful lessons learned over the past year.  Rejection and loss are hard no matter how much you can see why its a part of the "bigger picture".  Its all part of the void, the necessary and often painful change that needs to happen before a new cycle can begin. 

And then I lost the last of my kitty family.  This past Monday, my little grey guy got ill and had to be put to sleep. Silver (also known as Sliver because he was always so skinny) was the last of  our seven cat herd..   Silver was a charmer and was the first cat to greet anyone who knocked on the door. The apt feels empty again and Bettie misses her brother.  We want to get another rescue cat or two but have decided to wait until after we move. It will be less stressful for both the cats and us to just wait until we get settled. 

Which brings me to the moving situation, that also symbolizes moving forward in life.  There is finally a shift happening with finding a new place to live. I was getting really discouraged with all the rental scams, people not returning calls, or saying "its rented" whenever they did bother to reply.  I got to the end of my rope and said to hell with it all.  So we shifted focus and things are falling into place in a quick & positive direction...FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Keeping quiet about it until it all pans out and is finalized.  I have put so many things on hold until moving-setting up my studio, the videos, finding new places to sell at, online classes, etc...... that I'm really anxious for it to happen sooner than later. I feel its happening, I just need to be patient a little while longer.

In the midst of all this, I remembered I had an airline voucher that was about to expire. With no vacation plans in sight, I decided to go to CHA very last minute! It will be a much needed mini vacation.   Jen and I are rooming together and it will be nice to hang out with girls I haven't seen in forever like Bernie and Tracie.I also can't wait to walk the aisles and see whats new.   I have the mobile blogging app, so hopefully I'll remember to use it as I'm walking around the convention hall.  


Nancy Lynn said...

It is so good to hear that things are moving positively for you now. I so hope it happens soon and you can get along with your life.

Amber Dawn Inventive Soul said...

Sounds like it's been so rough for you guys.

I hope your new home is nice and homey for you! It's good to feel at home! :o)

I'll be looking forward to reading your posts about CHA!


susanc said...

So sorry about Silver.

I am glad to read that things are moving forward for you. Sounds like things have been tough this past year and you deserve a nicer place to live and to be more happy. I look forward to reading your posts from CHA. Have fun! :)

baglady said...

i hope you have a blast at CHA- wish I was there too :)

Diana Laurence said...

So sorry about the loss of your Silver! I really hope the vacay and move help brighten your life and get you on a happier track.

JeannieK said...

So sorry about Silver. I lost one of my cats this past March. Sounds like things are moving forward for you. Have fun at CHA. Some day I must go.

Sherry Smyth said...

I'm sorry to hear about your kitty but I am glad to hear that things seem to be moving forward. It's time!!! xo

CatHerder said...

Have not been blogging or really checking in..but felt the need to i see why..soooo sooo sorry about Silver...and the other stuff...ive had a year like you as well...lets hope it gets better

Pretty Things said...

I'm really sorry about your kitty. When I lost my very old kitty (nearly 20 years with me!) I eventually started volunteering at the shelter, and when I was ready, I brought home Vernon. It was nice to give love and get it back from all those kitties, so unconditional.

I don't know the story behind the move and the friends dropping away -- but that's so sad and so wrong. And I sadly know how it goes. I've often felt like I was the friend who kept trying and kept things going. An old roommate said I was the glue that kept people from floating off -- but eventually that glue came undone, and it hurt.

I wish I had some long-distance hugs you could feel!

Barbe Saint John/ Saints and Sinners® said...

Thank you all ladies for your kind thoughts and words, I appreciate them so much!